How To Fall In Love: Mind, Heart, & Soul

To My Future (Young Adult) Children, 

       Because of recent events in my life and the events in the lives of those around me, I've been inspired to write you this letter. Really, it could be a letter to anyone who wants random advise from a random woman, without any college degree in marriage studies, but, because you are my children, I feel it is my duty to teach you the things that I've learned, although I'm sure you'll do what you want when you get old enough. I write this letter only as a guideline for your happiness, and your happiness is my happiness. 
In your life, there will come a time when you will date. And when I say date, I mean when you are looking for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The person you will marry. At times, it will feel like you will never find that person, just remember, that there are millions of people who are in your same shoes. Even the person you end up with is probably in those same shoes. It will come if you put yourselves out there. You will not die alone with all your cats. Focus on your self and making yourself a better person. That is when you will find them. 
   When you are looking for "The One" I strongly advise you to follow three steps, but the most important part is that you follow these steps in order. All of these steps will come, but I truly believe that I have figured out the formula to true love, if you follow this formula in order. 

Step 1: First use your MIND.

   Ask yourself, would this person make a good spouse? Now I know this is hard to do. Your first thought, which is only natural, is to think about if they're attractive. Please, please forget about this step at the moment. It will come, it's important, but not yet! 
An example of using your mind is this: can they provide me with the life I want? Do their values coincide with mine? If they have a major flaw now, they will have that flaw when they are your spouse. People don't change. Or at least you have to plan on them not changing. How important are different things like having children, religion, politics, to them? Are their beliefs the same as your beliefs? If not, how important is it to you that you have differing opinions? Is that something you could live with? And remember, not only are they the right person for you, but are you the right person for them? 
   If all of these questions seem answered, now move on to step two.

Step 2: Second, use your HEART. 

   Now when I say use your heart, I don't mean fall in love. Falling in love is the conclusion of this formula. When I say use your heart, I mean, can you love them like you love a sibling or a friend? Can you laugh with them? Do you want to spend time with them? Where are they on your priority list? Do you want to help them? Do you want to call them and tell them something that happened to you? Do you hurt when they hurt? . . . If all of these questions seem answered, move on to step three. 

Step 3: Lastly, use your SOUL.

   And now we come back to that one that most people seem so caught up on: Attraction. Please remember this is very important. You are not shallow if you are not attracted to them. It's just the way it is. But I can't tell you how important this is that you take this step last. I also can't tell you how odd it is that people's appearances can change to you, even if their actual appearance hasn't changed. It's so strange how you can see someone who is average looking, but once you realize they have qualities you admire, all of the sudden they appear to become more attractive. You don't want to pass up someone special just because they don't look like they came out of a magazine, but you also need to realize that if that attraction isn't there even after steps one and two, it's okay to just be that persons friend. It might be hard to let them go, you might not want to break their heart, but you are human. Just do your best to not lead them on. And if you are the one being led on, just remember step 1. 

   Step three is titled "soul" for a reason. When you decide to give yourself to someone, that's exactly what you're doing. You are giving them a part of your soul. Sex is not something to be taken lightly, like the world makes it appear. If you give a piece of your soul to someone, make sure you get it back. I believe marriage is the only way to do this. And I know you have your agency, I'm not sure what you'll believe at this point in your life, but I promise you, you won't regret saving yourself for that person. I promise you. When I married your dad, I was scared, because sex was now something that was permitted in the eyes of all those I knew, and in the eyes of God. When you're about to marry someone, it's often tempting if you're trying to wait. And then all of the sudden, that day is there. And it's okay. But I'll admit, it was very scary. It can be scary giving someone a part of your soul. But when it's the right person, it is a beautiful thing. It is a good thing, because if they're the right person, they haven't taken a piece of your soul, they've replaced it with their own. 
   Once you have completed all the steps, in order, you will know. You'll know you're in love. You might even not realize it until you're in it. Or maybe it'll take you a long time, just remember, like I said before, the reason I say these things isn't because I want to control you and be your nagging mother, it's because I want you to have the world. I want you to be smart, enjoy life, and be genuinely happy. Because you are mine, and you always will be, and I love you. 

                                  Love Always,

                                            Mom